That quote hit me right in the gut. It feels more like a command than an invitation in the best kind of way. I’ve been in a really deep feeling place these last weeks. Internal + thoughtful. It’s been three weeks since I had the dilation procedure on my trachea. I’ve had some time to enjoy breathing (understatement of the year, I’ve been positively giddy over it), time to process all that we learned in Boston and time to decide what comes next where my health is concerned.

The top three questions I’m getting asked are: How are you? What did they say? What happens next?

How am I?

I’m mostly r e a l l y good. I’m enjoying breathing A LOT. I find myself saying I LOVE BREATHING all the time. I’m thankful for it all the time. I used to see people running, dancing, laughing on movies or in real life and feel sad. Now I feel excited and I find myself saying, “I can do that!”

dancing!image by Lizzy Flanagan

There was a moment at my dear friends wedding on the Cape just after the dilation that brought me into the present of I CAN DO THAT in such a sweet way… we were all out on the dance floor, it was nearing the end of the night. My post anesthesia body was really tired and I was ready to go until my friend Kate looked over and saw me dancing and with so much love and excitement in her voice said, “T H I S is just what you wanted!” In that moment I could see and feel us all in slow motion. I could feel the thump of the music in my chest and vibrating all around us. She was right! It was (is) what I’d wanted – to be able to dance and sing and play. I immediately forgot that I was tired and I danced like I meant it… I flung my hair and jumped up and down giving my sticky strapless bra a run for it’s money (those are the best things ever, by the way). I memorized the moment and literally breathed it all in. I remember smiling so big. I remember giggling at Cliff’s signature moves and thinking how much I love having him as my partner. It was all red faces and fist pumps in the air, pure joy. I can’t even believe there’s a photo to go with the moment. Can’t. even. believe. it. Pure gratitude.

Healing can be spontaneous or work. I’m currently in the working portion of this program. I feel my body processing out the anesthesia, the post procedure meds and the experience itself. I’m cycling through tired, angry, frustrated and sad. Some days I’m able to articulate what’s happening inside an others it just washes over me. I’m spending time in the archives of my life and going back to places that need healing — namely, my parents divorce.

I’m 35 and I can’t believe I’m still healing over my parents divorce. Some days (most days) I resist it HARD and think good grief, I thought I’d healed a l l that in therapy. Others I soften into it and see that sweet little 4th grade version of myself and feel so much for all she was experiencing during that time (and now). Life keeps giving you opportunities to heal until you do the work. Sometimes it’s a little nudge, sometimes it’s a smack in the face. Lately it’s felt like I’ve walked right through a plate glass window.

I believe in the importance and all out necessity of feeling your feelings, and letting them move through you (instead of getting pent up and stuck inside you). I’m staying present to that as much as possible and letting my body and spirit move through and out of the muck. I’m asking my body if it can allow the energy to move (something my sister reminds me to do). I’m asking it what it needs from me to help? Some days that’s a swim or a jog, others it’s just to sit quietly in meditation and sometimes I haven’t a clue. I’m forgiving myself and my parents in all kinds of scenarios. I know my folks did the best they could do at the time. I see that really clearly. I love and appreciate them deeply for that. I also know that their split changed me and I’m giving myself permission to take down the armor I built up at such a young age. I’m reminding myself that I’m safe and loved. I’m reminding myself that I always have everything I need, that I am whole health and that happiness is my birth right (pssst, it’s yours too!)!

What the doctors said:

The scar tissue is back. We’d hoped it would be scar tissue at the surgery site something easy to scoop right out of there but nope this scar tissue is thick and stubborn and has invaded into my vocal cords. It looks like a Tim Burton set in my trachea with pink and white marbled scar tissue growing like tree roots into the vocal cords. We also learned that the right vocal cord joint is paralyzed likely from scar tissue growing into it and basically concreting it in place. There’s nothing they can do medically to help. It’s one of those “let’s just keep an eye on it” situations. The good news is that the joint is stuck in a good place which means I can still use and regulate my voice and that’s a HUGE win! I can’t possibly imagine not being able to use my voice! I’ve got so much to say! My doctor says it would be great if it’s a year or more before I need another dilation. I’m thinking it would be great if I never had to have another surgery or procedure ever again! Yes, that’s the option I’m choosing.

Now that there’s some space between me and all the information it feels like just that… information. I don’t feel doomed, devastated or afraid. Those are all things I’ve felt in the past but this time is different. I know (KNOW in that way that’s deep to my core) it’s all a process, it’s all happening for my highest good and I’m trusting that this thing will continue to transform in a way that is perfect. I’ve given up predicting how it’s all going to go down because I suck at predicting the future but I can say that I FEEL my body healing.

What happens next?

I’m fully engaged in a healing journey. We’re headed to California next month in the RV! I’ve been having sessions with helpers and healers and professionals all over the US (and the world, thank you Skype). I’ve been spending more and more time in and near water because it just feels so good.

We were planning a water fast but after talking with an Ayurvedic practitioner (and being warned by one of my best friends who woke up having dreamt of me and said “DO NOT DO THAT WATER FAST, I feel so strongly that you don’t need to do it”) I’ve decided NOT to do the water fast. Cliff is still going to do it so I’ll be there checking in on him between my Ayurveda appointments. Oh and are you ready for this one… the Ayurveda gal is in the SAME CITY as the water fast. Well, thank you Universe!

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Always always remember that there’s no one size fits all diet and there’s no one miracle cure for what ails you. When it comes to your health the only right answers are the ones that feel best in YOUR body.

What I’m learning:

  • I’m learning to honor my needs and most specially not to put them off. Even my most basic needs – like holding it when I need to pee. Seriously, anyone else sit at your desk way too long and then realize you’ve had to go for over an hour?
  • Matter can change. Scar tissue can change. When this first started 10 years ago it was subglottic (below the glottis) and now it’s invading my vocal cords. While that is really “bad” news in the sense that medically there’s nothing to be done it’s “great” news from the view point of the potential for this scar tissue to change. IT CAN go back to the nothingness from whence it came and that’s exactly what I’m creating.
  • The power of a group is mighty. I’m a member of a Facebook group for folks with tracheal stenosis. It’s been a really safe and loving place for me to be vulnerable, receive support from people who totally get it and to celebrate the deep easy breaths that are flowing right now.
  • It’s ok to ask for help. From your partner, your friends, your family, your community (even if it’s an internet community). Thank you all for being here and for holding visions of me breathing with ease for the rest of my life.
  • I’m learning that real healing happens when I slow way down and have FUN. I’ve been much too serious, much too busy, much too much of a bunch of stuff and fun is setting me free.
  • I’m seeing how important it is to own your situation but not attach to it. To be present but not self loathing. I so badly didn’t want this to be my story. I didn’t want to be the girl with scar tissue in her trachea and yet I’m so grateful for all that has unfolded as a result of this weird condition. Weird has always been wonderful.

To giving each other permission to tell our stories by sharing our truths. I love you. I appreciate you.
Lacy

 

Meet my very favorite low-tech kitchen tool the Julienne Peeler!

I was a hard core texture eater as a kid and actually I am just NOW getting used to the way blueberries pop in your mouth. Couldn’t take it before. I LOVE how this peeler makes everything into teensy tiny ribbons! Texture magic. Use it for cucumber, zucchini and squash, potatoes carrots, etc.

Get one here (less than $10, so awesome) or dig yours out of the back of your kitchen utensil drawer you’re going to need it for this yummy summer slaw!

Cucumber Jicama Slaw Ingrediants | Lacy Young

Cucumber + Jicama Slaw

Recipe adapted from Martha Stewart
Serves 2 – 4 (if small portions)

You’ll need:
1 cucumber (peel if not organic), julienne avoiding the center (save the center to juice later)
1 small jicama, peel and then julienne or cut into thin matchsticks
4-5 large basil leaves, chiffonade (stack leaves, roll em up like a cigar and then cut. It will make beautiful long ribbons)
2 tbsp lime juice
1 tsp honey
1/2 tsp chili powder
1/4 tsp salt or salt to taste

Toss in a bowl and serve!

Enjoy it’s totally refreshing and a bit unexpected. Would be really good as a side on family taco night!

April Food:

I did some actual meal planning this month which is rare. I typically just buy an array of veggies and make stuff up as I go. I had an idea for stuffed poblano peppers that turned out to be SOOO delicious even though it’s a multi-step recipe (I like to keep it simple). You can see that recipe here. I also created a smoothie with rose water that tastes so divine! You can see it here.

cabbage

Maybe one day we’ll renew our vows and I’ll carry a veggie bouquet. Too much? ha!

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April Family + Friends:

A dear friend got married and we had a blast at her wedding. There was an open bar. Our table of friends were one of the few taking full advantage. I had a tough time breathing while dancing. On the way home in the car in driving rain we talked about the possibility of going back to the doctor and it brought up SO MUCH FEAR. I wasn’t ready. My body wasn’t ready. All these months later and on the other side of the dilation procedure I’m seeing how necessary those early conversations were. It’s so important to check in with your body every step of the way. It will tell you when it’s time and you’ll be better prepared for having gone through all the emotions along the way. At least that was the case for me.

summer wedding april family mema and ayden kelley birthday

Super fun family dinner at Benihana for my uncle’s birthday. I wrote a post about eating out and staying sane.

love you forever, Linda

A dear friends mom transitioned and it hit close to home. Lisa wrote a beautiful post about Linda. Will you read it and send her some love?

wine list

An old and trusty wine list that lives folded in a friends wallet got pulled out at family night. Silver Oak is my favorite! Cliff and I tasted there and bought a few bottles on our engagement weekend in Napa ages ago. Best $100 bottle of wine I’ve ever had.

love gift. new fave mug. new fav candle

A love gift arrived in the mail. I LOVE mail! That sweet coffee mug became a fast fave and made the cut to get into the RV! AND THOSE Produce candles! The Kale one is my favorite and smells divine (it doesn’t smell like kale).

movie in the park

Movie in the park with Aunt Mary. A food docu. At some point can one see too many food documentaries?

April Us:

our mornings

A moment that begged to be collected. I love that we go and get out of bed as a family most days.

matchy matchy

We were headed to get groceries and he pulls over saying, “You look just like the flowers, I have to take a picture of you with them!” Can’t argue with that now, can I? :)

found moms ring

Found my mom’s ring going through a box of old jewelry. One little birthstone for me and one for my sister, Kayla. Every time I look down at it I can see it on her finger.

his words to me on a tough day

His words to me on a particularly rough day. Felt like they could help more than just me.

game of thrones ritual

This is our Game of Thrones Sunday night ritual. Big beer in horns. Can’t wait to see what will happen next season!

turtle rescue

Cliff rescues animals. It’s one of his super powers. This little one was scooped up out of the middle of the street on our way to the track. That’s his happy face, really it is.

ned so comfy

I’d really like to sleep that soundly.

April Biz:

togetherness tuesday begins

I started Drop In Group Health Coaching called Togetherness Tuesday. From the first call I knew it was going to be special but I never dreamt it would come to mean so much to me and the women who show up on that call each week. You can start and stop whenever you like. Phone line and hearts are wide open. More information over here.

remember

Angeles made one of my quotes into a beautiful FREE downloadable poster! You can see it and all my free downloads over here.

My little brother went on an an epic journey last year and traveled to central and south America. He talked so much about one of his favorite places, the San Blas Islands in Panama. Mom decided she HAD to see them and I happily invited Cliff + me along. Months passed, Mom + Cody planned the trip, found a boat to charter, we all got tickets, mom + I got matching North Face backpacks (which I LOVE) and the big day arrived.

Mother’s Day. We all wake up early and get to the airport. We’re checking in only to find out that Cliff’s passport is not valid for travel to Panama. It didn’t expire until June but apparently to travel to Panama your passport must be within 3 months of expiration. The bottom dropped out of my stomach, tears welled up and right there in the airport check in area I cried. And cried. And cried. Mom + Cody went on and we stayed behind hoping we could get it sorted out and join them the next day.

Be sure to check your passport expiration date and the regulations for the country you’re traveling to well in advance of your travel!

The rest of that day we both felt sick. Helpless. Bummed. Disappointed. Frustrated. So many emotions. We did the best we could to move through it and keep (or more like — just find) perspective. All these months later that feeling is still a gift. Going through the wave of emotions of facing a dilation again and all that is involved just scratched the surface of how helpless we felt that day. I know it’s odd (and even feels a little trivial) that just missing a flight vs a legit health situation was a more severe feeling of helplessness but it’s true. It’s the beauty of contrast in life. Those really awful disappointments provide solid contrast to remind me it’s not that bad. There are options and we’re negotiating whatever it may be at the moment the best we can.

We came through the passport experience feeling so good about our partnership. We are a crazy good, totally effective team. The moment the check in clerk started waggling my passport in the air saying that the rest of us could go but not Cliff we clung together. I remember saying, “I’m not leaving him, give me my passport back please. I am NOT leaving him.” We sprung into action. I got on the phone to the passport office to try and get an appointment. Cliff called our ride to come back and get us. We changed our tickets for the next day + moved through an imaginary check list of all the possible things that we could do to fix this asap + get back to the business of vacation! Silver lining… we were home to watch Game of Thrones that night. ha! But seriously.

passport office

The next day was all hurry up and wait and then all GO, GO, GO! We got the appointment at the passport office first thing in the morning. They said we could pick up the passport at 12:30. Wha? I don’t know why but I expected we’d walk out with it that morning. Nope. Doesn’t work that way. So… we went for brunch and came back to wait. Our flight was at 3:05 pm. At 12:30 his passport wasn’t ready. They said maybe 1. Then 1 came and went. We’re counting minutes now running the times over in our heads… we can still make it! I’m in the car making a reservation at the airport park + ride, keeping the getaway car running and waiting for Cliff to give the word that he’s got his passport. When he finally texted that he had it and was headed down I pulled out, opened the door and he literally ran and jumped in. It was one of those laughter through total stress moments. All we could do is laugh. I used my expert daughter of a race car driver skills to get us to the airport as quickly as possible. We checked in with 1 minute to spare. 2:04pm. Once we cleared security we literally ran to our gate just in time for boarding. I sounded like Darth Vader in a foot race but we made it!

barely made it

We flew into Panama City, stayed the night in a hotel and the next morning got up at 4 am to catch another flight out to a small island in San Blas where the sail boat + mom + Cody would pick us up! The minute we got into the tiny plane to head to the islands it felt like vacation. Finally.

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This was my favorite snorkeling spot. An old ship wreck.

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See that tiny blue fish with blue polka dots! It’s a Jewelfish. Incredible, right!

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The swim deck was one of the most peaceful places on the boat. Just you and the sound of the ocean lapping against the boat.

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The weather was impeccable the first few days. Sunshine, heat + humidity.

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Then it got dark, rainy + moody. I love that we got to experience both.

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I love the perspective on this one… little islands as far as the eye can see.

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One of my favorite parts of sailing was getting up and going for a morning swim first thing. It felt like freedom to just off the boat into the water each morning.

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This was our favorite island. Cloud Island. We found Conch shells here, swam in the pouring rain + ate coconut meat. It’s one of the things I remember most from this trip. It rained so hard for a moment I could hardly see. I can almost smell the salt and feel the drips falling from my eye lashes.

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Aren’t they beautiful, the shells I mean. Well us too ; )

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We got matching shirts for the trip. Geeky, awesome + totally necessary to help minimize sun exposure and bug bites.

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We stopped on a small island to buy bracelets + malas made by the Kuna women. The bracelets are tied on each time they wrap around your wrist or ankle. Kuna women wear them on both wrists and both ankles. I JUST took mine off a week ago pre-dilation procedure. I loved wearing it. It started to feel like my own version of a tattoo.

Malas are intricate hand stitched fabric squares. They use them in their clothing. We asked permission (and paid) to take a photo. This woman got dressed in her full attire for our photo. The island is inhabited by one family at a time. They will work there for several months and then return to the community island and another family will come out to sell to the tourists that sail by. They are small in stature, speak their own language but also Spanish (which is how we my little brother communicated with them. He was our translator the entire time and did an amazing job)! The Kuna people are a matriarchal society, when we paid the father he gave the money to the grandmother immediately. Love that.

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Our state room.

save him

He’s joking. Post this image jumped from the front of the boat into the water.

early morning departure

Early morning boat ride from the sail boat to shore to catch our flight back to Panama city.

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where mosquitos are born

This is the airport. They took our airport fees, I think it was $11 each or near that. Our bags were weighed with a handheld scale and then we waited and waited and waited for the little plane to arrive. I’m certain this is the birthplace of all mosquitoes and biting bugs known to man. We made a lot of bugs very happy that day.

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No wind. Just bugs.

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These are the malas we selected. We chose one that was meant to be sewn into a shirt later so it was two complimentary pieces. Mom took one, we took the other. Last night I framed ours and hung it in the bathroom in our mobile abode (which prompted this big beautiful post).

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Dinner at the Panama Canal. It was awesome to watch the gates open and see the water levels rise and fall.

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Our final night in Panama. Penthouse views, LONG showers and air conditioning. Perfection.

I love traveling and I adore coming home. This vacation was a biggie for me. I got really clear on our decision to buy and move into an RV. Really clear. I unapologetically took care of myself at every turn even when that meant turning in early to read instead of listening to stories the captain and his wife were sharing. Older versions of me would have sat there, listened and nodded and gone to bed exhausted from ignoring my own needs. It’s one of those little details that’s actually really huge.

To Panana! To the beautiful Kuna people! And to gifts from the sea!
Lacy

P.s. Foundations of Food starts next week! Ready to learn what foods work best in your body? Ready to give up dieting, calorie counting, struggling and deprivation f o r e v e r? Yes? Yes! Join us!

My dear friend Lizzy took this photo and has been carting us around. She sat with me. With Cliff. Cried with us and been so fully engaged in this experience. Lizzy. I. Love. You. Oh so much. Thank you for spending part of your only vacation helping us.

I had a dilation today. In plain terms my doctor (who I really appreciate and love) made what was a small breather hole much bigger by good old fashioned skillful brute force. I have a sore throat and can take a really full deep breath. It feels like a gift.

I’m sitting alone in my hospital room at Mass Gen. Cliff has gone back to our dear friends house to get some proper rest. I can tell you overnight in the hospital is not fun. Overnight sitting upright in a chair to sleep is just unkind. I’m glad he will have some alone time to process all of this and eat a bowl of cereal with almond milk (his comfort food of choice lately).

There’s a pulse ox monitor taped to my right index finger making it super tricky to hit all the right keys. To my left a wicked view of Boston has been filled in with the night sky to my right an empty bed (yay). All around me are sounds of the hospital. Incessant beeping. A slight creak of the machine monitoring my iv fluids. Nurses chatting as they walk past. All the nurses have been amazing. Though I don’t want to get too comfy I feel as at home as is possible thanks to their stellar care.

It’s been a DAY.

This moment is actually kind of perfect… I think anyone who’s ever been in the hospital or negotiated any kind of sickness whatsoever (or made a really big decision on your own) can totally relate to this feeling… this is happening in my body. It’s a singular experience. I’m completely surrounded by the best kind of love and support and a growing community of prayer warriors and yet in this moment I feel alone. Me and this busted up trachea.

I had hoped it would be a thin little membrane of scar tissue growing over the old surgery site. The completely sucky part is that is not the case. The scar tissue is thicker than ever and has invaded the space near my vocal cords (that’s not good) so that means a second resection is off the table. That’s where they cut you open and cut out the scar tissue. Not fun (understatement) but I had 3.5 good years of breathing after.

What I’m learning yet again is that wellness is a dance. I’m currently on the dance floor with western medicine checking out his best moves. He’s stepped on my feet a few times, I’ve smiled politely as if to say, ‘oh that’s ok’ but I’ve taken note. Really we’re trying to do a dance that he doesn’t know the moves to. This condition is so rare and almost no progress had been made in the six years since my big surgery. But here we are front center throwing our arms up and going for it. I’m doing that signature white girl step-together-step, little bounce with slight head bob, a clap and a ‘wooooooo-who’ every now and then for effect. Sometimes I smooch my lips out and wrinkle my nose like I’m totally cool and confident and throwing off that — ‘I’m doing this on purpose’ vibe. Can you see us out there?

Oh do I have surgery stories to tell…

There was the gal who was here for my resection in ’08 who was in the room again today. I recognized her. She recognized me. So nice to see a friendly face. And she seems like someone I’d be friends with so that’s always a plus.

There’s the guy on the cleaning crew in the OR area. He is probably in his 50′s, he is thin and kind. Faded tattoos peek out from under his scrubs on both arms telling stories of his younger years. He walks like he’s going somewhere. He’s the kinda guy who points when he talks, only pauses for a second and then keeps going. Today marks my 4th time in the OR at Mass Gen and the 4th time I’ve seen this same dude! So today he walks by and sees me sitting in the gurney outside the OR waiting my turn and he says, “I was just where you are not that long ago.” He points at me as he’s talking, gives a little squinty half smile and then goes on his way. It puts me immediately at ease. For a moment I wasn’t just a body on gurney I was a person who was being seen by another person who had felt what I was feeling and had BEEN THERE. I giggled as I realized that he says that to me every time. I’m pretty sure he says that to everyone and he probably takes a nap on the gurney as often as possible so that it’s actually true. Still I totally appreciated it.

Then there was a women on my surgical team. A nurse I think. She asked me what I do for a living. When I said I’m a health coach she did as many people often do and launched into telling me her story about food and her life. I’m so glad she did. She grew up in West Africa eating traditional foods (grains, fruits, veggies, meat when they could afford it) and was naturally thin and healthy. She said they ate breakfast and lunch and maybe a small dinner or no dinner at all. There was no snacking if there was ever a snack it was a banana or an orange. They never asked for food, they only came to eat when called. She preferred to play and was happy to come in to eat but was never hungry or worried about food. She was happy to play —–> that’s Primary Food! The best example of being fed from the richness of your life, from being fed by play and not needing as much food to eat. She is now a little overweight and knows it’s due to eating fast foods and processed foods and adopting the Standard American Diet.

She took her children to visit her home several years ago. Her son was 8 years old at the time and overweight. After eating the traditional foods and chasing goats up the mountain each day he released all the excess weight and his body has normalized into it’s natural size and shape. He’s 11 now and he says he loves his new body. I thanked her for sharing some of her stories with me. Recalling them now I feel a little teary.

I love my job. I love my life. I love that people share their stories with me and I’m so deeply impacted by the power of food and feeling good in our bodies. That’s what I KNOW. And that’s what I’m returning home to inside myself. My next dance on my healing journey is going to be a tribal dance with water. Think body paint and big sweeping moves around a fire. Soulful. Ritualistic. Deep. We got two thumbs up from my doc to go and do a medically assisted water fast in California in September. Apparently I’m seeking all my healing experts on the coasts. East coast medical. West coast spiritual. Sounds about right. You know I love a good food experiment so we’ll see what the absence of food does. It’s meant to reset all your cells to allow the body to heal itself, by itself.

I’m seeing how intentional the call to simplify was those months ago. We heard it loud and clear. I proud of us for listening and acting. We now live in an RV which still kinda blows my mind. We’re calling it Kale On Wheels, our big bus of healing (we also call her Barb. Short for Rhubarb which makes me giggle.) and it feels like we’re fully engaged in a quest of healing. We set this whole thing up (the RV, selling all our stuff, down sizing, simplifying) before we ever had a clue what it would really become. I’m sure it’s all still unfolding. Betcha a year from now this clarity I’m feeling will probably just amount to finding a corner piece on a really big puzzle. And while I’m still having a hard time wrapping my brain around the fact that I’m back here in a hospital bed using words like stenosis, I’m practicing presence. This moment is really all I’ve got and honestly it’s all I can focus on. The minute I start thinking thick scar tissue and vocal cords and and and the tears start flowing and I’m sucked into the dark and scary place. I’m using all my best tips and tricks that I’m constantly sharing with my clients. I sat in recovery feeling utterly green (nauseous) from coming out of the anesthesia saying over and over “I inhale. I exhale.” And it worked. It was the slowest two hours I’ve experienced lately but it worked.

Alright dear friends I have selected a movie to watch, a girl movie. Cameron Diaz and Leslie Mann in The Other Woman. I’m thinking escapist comedy is exactly what I need. Me, these ice chips, all these beeps and this little iv are going to cozy in.

Love,
Lacy

P.S. I actually started blogging in 2008 post tracheal resection surgery. I’d had a Caring Bridge page to keep family and friends updated and I loved posting updates there so much that when I closed that page I started a blog. It’s a full circle moment. There have been lots of those this week. Some very tender and tear filled, some truly spirit lifting. This post is really more of an entry into my virtual moleskin. Since I’m feeling quite alone sitting here in my standard issue hospital socks (they’re the worst tan color you’ve ever seen but they do have that handy no skid stuff on bottom) and gown (would you like to see my bum, everyone else has!) I’m sharing my entry here because the internet really is remarkable and if you’re reading this you’re my people and I love you. And if you’ve been following along and sending me love I want to tell you I literally feel it. Words will always be an inadequate for the deep gratitude I feel. T H A N K Y O U.

Last week I went to the doc and had a photos taken of my trachea. They put a teensy tiny video camera up my nose and down my throat. When the doc played the video back for me and I saw what I’ve been feeling I felt a wash over my body. It was a moment of OMG it’s real. I didn’t make it up. My next thought was Oh fuck it — What do I want to eat?

It’s funny (not funny) how we reflex back. How I reflex back. I wanted a brownie sundae. Or a cream cheese kolache. Or both. I wanted a margarita or a pina colada with a dark rum float and extra whipped cream. I wanted to eat + drink all my feelings. When I realized that we were, in fact at a hospital and the only thing I could likely get my hands on was a candy bar I thought… Snickers! I could go for a Snickers. It was like a Disney movie in my head. Brilliantly dressed up foods dancing past me promising to take away all this anxiety in my body.

Mind you all this is happening while I’m still in the exam chair, the doctor is talking to me and Cliff is sitting across from me asking his thoughtful questions about my health. They say a second set of ears is helpful for that moment when you glaze over. Apparently my version of glazing over takes me right to food negotiations.

And then it happened, as it’s happened many times before — I remembered that any amount of food or drink would not heal these feelings. They’d only serve as a (delicious) band aid that would likely lead to a stomach ache, headache and heart ache. I didn’t have a Snickers. Or a pina colada with dark rum float and extra whipped cream. I sat there. I put my hand on my chest and took as deep a breath as my little airway would allow and I said quietly to myself, “Lacy, I love you. You’re going to be ok. It’s ok to feel this way. You’re doing such a good job dear girl. Ask for what you need. Ask your questions. Let Cliff support you. You’ve got this.”

I came back to the present. I asked the very kind doctor my questions and still really appreciate her candor. We left and I continued to take deep breaths to help clear the giant lump of stagnated energy in my belly and throat.

This is the root of emotional eating for me. Emotions well up in such a big, scary way that I just want to numb it out and eat as much as possible to make them stop or at least shut them up for a moment. When I indulge and eat my feelings I’m left in a fog of regret and physical discomfort. When I come back to the present, sit with the feelings, watch them change, and breathe them out of me I feel like I have a tether. At first it’s wildly uncomfortable and then a little crack of light opens up and I begin to slowly but surely feel free from those guttural desires to numb and self medicate with food.

5 Steps to Help Navigate and Heal Emotional Eating ::

1. Observe your thoughts.

Do you go right to cream cheese kolaches or your chosen food drug of choice? Notice what comes up and resist the urge to judge or change it. Pay close attention. Can you begin to understand what’s causing your thoughts/emotions? Is it fear? Of what? That’s so important in establishing their validity.

2. Stay.

Fight or Flight is carnal. It’s your bodies innate sense of self preservation. When the going gets tough where do you want to run to? Food? Drink? Can you allow yourself to stay and sit with the emotion that you’re experiencing?

3. Breathe.

Notice your breath. Are you taking shallow breaths? Breathing more quickly? Bring a hand to your chest or your belly, lengthen and deepen your breath. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.

4. Speak kindly.

Give yourself a word of encouragement. Tell yourself - I see you. I feel you. I hear you. Validating your own experience is a simple but powerful practice. You’re not silly for feeling this way. You’re quite possibly in the midst of negotiating some really tough stuff and some tenderness can go a long way.

5. Plan.

What do you need to move through this? A plan can help you stay present and grounded. Can you ask for support from friends and loved ones? Have a loved one hug you. Talk it through. Stumble and fumble through your words until you’ve got it all out. Keep going.

Emotional eating has really deep roots. Healing can be both gradual and spontaneous. Whisper to yourself that you’re willing to change, begin to notice when you want to turn towards food. Practice being present and sitting with your emotions instead of hushing them. You’re not alone, never have been and never will be. Part of being who you are meant to be in this life means releasing those old behaviors that are no longer serving you. You can move past emotional eating.

Cliff and I fly to Boston tomorrow for my tracheal dilation procedure on Tuesday and then we get to celebrate with dear friends for a wedding on Friday. I still have quite a bit of energy in my body and I’m staying with it. I’m fasting from negative emotions and seeing healing light in my body, especially in my trachea. I’m feeling lifted by the love of so many friends and family. I’m visioning myself going into the operating room and it’s standing room only in there. I’m picturing all the physical doctors and nurses and a spiritual healing team as well. On my spiritual team is an adorable gal named Ginger, my ancestors and all the love of every person I’ve ever met, encountered, passed on the street, hugged, made genuine eye contact with… I keep thinking of airport meetings. When you see someone you’ve not seen in so long… that moment when your eyes meet and you hug so tightly and there are happy tears. That’s the love I’m carrying with me into the OR and I hope that everyone in that room feels changed by my having been there with my big love parade.

May I bring your love with me too? Will you think of me on Tuesday at 12:30 Eastern and smile? I’ll be in my super cute hospital gown with frizzy hair and an amazing hair net thinking of you and seeing love envelope that room, all of Boston, all of the east coast and on and on and on. As I’m counting backward from 10 I’ll be seeing love frosting on all of us. ha!

Love,
Lacy

Health Update:

I went to the doc on Thursday here in Houston and had pictures taken of my trachea. There’s a little pin hole where there should be a big black hole. The images confirmed what I’ve been feeling and hearing in my breathing for some time. My trachea is in need of some intervention to bring relief and so I’ll have a dilation procedure very soon in Boston with the doctor who performed my resection in 2008.

I’m learning the difference between muscling through and standing in grace. My sister and I were talking on the phone and she recalled a moment when Chloe was recently born. She was having a conversation with her Doula, Haripriya telling her all about how cloth diapers just weren’t working and it wasn’t going like she planned and she was so stressed out about it and struggling… Haripriya listened to her story and she looked at her and so sweetly and calmly said “and then we bow.”

So as I was going on about how I don’t want this to be my story. How I don’t want to be this girl who can’t breathe. How I’m completely healthy except for this. How I’ve been eating anti-inflammatory foods, and meditating and and and… and Kayla said… “and now you bow.”

And she’s right. So I’m bowing. Not in defeat, though there have been many moments in the last few days when I’ve felt defeated. Or in sadness, though I feel that too. But in pure humility. In acknowledgement that there are forces much greater than me at work here. I’m allowing the illusion of control to be just that… an illusion. This isn’t working out the way I thought or the way I’d hoped but it’s all working out. And it’s all going to be ok.

I received an email this week from a dear friends sister and she said “You may not be physically breathing but you are running circles around this life! I love you and what you bring to this life!” Her words brought me to easy tears. I feel deeply seen. Held. Grateful. Supported through this. Sharing this story real time is counter to my usual nature. I’d typically withdrawal and go deep underground to take stock, figure it all out and then I’d emerge and keep going. This time is different. I see that somehow this is part of my sacred work and my continued healing and quite possibly part of helping others to heal too.

We’ve been living in our RV for 19 days now and she’s feeling like home. I’m so excited to share our most recent layers with you (and what’s been happening with me + the composting toilet)!

Living Room:

 new futonfuton mornings

ned pouf

Notice how Ned is in every.single.photo. Front of the bus is his territory. We spend mornings together here. I check out my phone and see what the day holds while he goes back and forth from my lap to the pouf.

After looking and looking for a proper fold out sofa to fit this tiny space we finally decided on a futon. It does fold down flat so we can have an overnight guest (Mema!). We’re still hoping to find a more traditional looking couch but this one is serving us well for now.

Kitchen:

what's in there ned

Ned has become a bit obsessive about this corner cabinet. Due to it’s location and all the wiring, propane line etc in there we weren’t able to fully gut the old carpeting out so it smells a little stale in there, like old RV. He’s probably attracted to the strong smell. We sit and watch him and make up reasons why he’s paying homage to the corner cabinet.

kitchen rug

The kitchen runner arrived. As soon as I rolled it out it felt like it had always been there. My friend, Jamie House picked it out for us! She’s been amazing through this entire project doing everything from hand picking the reclaimed wood pieces for the bedroom to finding accessories like this rug. There’s something so powerful about having other people believe in your dreams as much as you do. Jamie has held this vision for us from the very first moment I told her that we wanted to buy an RV and make it our home.

Bathroom:

bath threshold

Cliff + Dad installed the bathroom thresholds. Feels so good that we’re at the finishing stages on many of our renovation projects.

july 19 bathroom

This is what the bathroom looks like right now.

  • We still need to have an electrician out to help restore power to all the lights and most of the outlets throughout the RV.
  • Mom sewed a skirt for the sink as a temporary fix until we can have the cabinet guy out to build something around the sink. I love it! She attached it with sticky velcro squares and so far they’re holding great.
  • The little blue box used to hang in our kitchen in our last house. Planning to paint it the same color as the wall. It’s currently holding hand soap and TP, you know- the essentials!
  • We’re thinking we’ll use some of the left over reclaimed wood from our bedroom wall project to make corner shelves near the toilet.

july 19 bath

I’ve developed a h e a l t h y respect for our composting toilet. This morning I overflowed the ‘liquid tank’ and quickly transformed the single most satisfying pee of the day into a dirty job. We typically pride ourselves on being a low to no paper towel house hold but let me tell you this morning I was singing praises to Bounty select-a-size and gallon Zip Lock bags. Ned sat at the door and watched as I carefully soaked up the overflow and placed the wet paper towels into a Zip Lock bag. I couldn’t help but laugh. Cliff and I have been making full use of the toilet and smiling pile of poo emojis.

Last week I dumped and cleaned out the main tank (aka poop, paper, coconut coir). It was one of those HOT + HUMID Texas summer nights. The sky was just about to lose light. I was nearing the end of the project and so ready to be done, to shower, to sit with Cliff and unwind. I put my thumb over the water hose to create a stronger spray. As soon as the water hit the tank I knew I’d messed up. Soapy poo water sprayed right in my face. I immediately closed my mouth. It felt like slow motion as brown foamy drips fell from my nose, my chin, from my ear lobes and eye lashes. UGH. The voice inside my head said R E A L L Y! Is this really happening right now? I turned the water hose to rinse my face, finished the job and rounded the RV with the tank in hand, completely soaked. Cliff was trying to get the exhaust fan for the toilet to work again, it was dark now and curse words seemed the best option. So he’s throwing out his best dammit-shit-shit-shit and I’m standing looking at him holding the toilet covered in our shit-shit-shit. He looked up at me and started to give me the download of how poorly his project was going and I interrupted to say in the most pathetic little girl voice possible… “I sprayed our poop all over my face.” His response, “You win!”

 Bedroom:

bedroom wallmade the bedpin tuck curtains

I’m loving this bedroom. I’m loving that we took out those side cabinets to make room for our Cal King bed. It’s cozy and comfy and we all have plenty of room. I feel the most at home in this room so far.

Home Office:

deskleather

This space is technically in the bedroom. I’ve yet to use it as a work desk. So far it’s been the place where everything gets piled. We cut leather straps to make our own drawer pulls. Cliff used brass screws to attach them. We both super appreciate the softness of those straps each time we get out of bed in the middle of the night! I’m working on the bedroom art wall today. Hopefully I’ll finish that and the hallway divider curtain this weekend.

Hope you’re having a beautiful weekend!
Lacy

You can see all our RV posts here.
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Currently ::

  • Taste buds dancing thanks to this smoothie.

Ned nearly asleep at the wheel

  • Ned’s nearly asleep at the wheel. ; )
  • Looking at what’s ahead this week. It’s a biggie…
  • It’s my last week as Social Media Doula at Kelly Rae Roberts. Bitter sweet, indeed. We’ve seen some MAJOR growth in the last year and half. Professionally, personally. All so good.
  • Going to see Lady Gaga with my Aunt in Houston on Wednesday. It’s going to be a people watching party and I can’t wait!
  • Full calendar today so about to juice my heart out to create ease for the rest of the day.
  • Dr. appt this week to check on my trachea. Nervous. Excited. Ready.

fresh blooms

  • Surrounded by flowers in our RV. We’ve had fresh flowers here since moving in and I love it.
  • We’ve officially been living in our RV 14 days. Awesome.
  • My new internet service arrived and is a sanity saver! Free RV park wifi wasn’t cutting it. It’s called Millenicom. It’s mobile internet and essential for the RV full timer.

Hope you love this smoothie as much as I do! Have a beautiful week.

xo, Lacy

Blackberry Celery Ginger Mint Refresher

Ingredients
• 1 can organic coconut milk
• 1.5 frozen bananas
• 2 cup frozen blackberries (don’t you love the way they look when defrosting? so pretty!)
• 2 stalks of celery
• 1 stalk of mint (about 8 – 10 small leaves)
• 1 inch slice of peeled ginger

Directions
Blend all ingredients really well to help break up the blackberry seeds. Blends up the most beautiful rose color!

Serves 2

Lacy Young Blackberry Celery Ginger Mint 2

Currently. Cooking up some mung beans in the steamer + it’s totally working. Yay!

My usually very strong self is all kinds of mushy and tender today. I’m negotiating some serious breathing woes which have lead me to practicing some truth telling. The kind where I’m saying — I’m not ok. But I hope I’ll be ok.

There’s a literal blockage in my trachea that I’ve tried to clear with everything from crystals to brute force. I’ve tried healers of all sorts and have made some very dear friends in the process. I’ve been affirming that I breathe with ease. I’ve been managing with food, meditation, quality time with Cliff and Ned. Oh and making major life changing decisions like selling everything and living in an RV. Simplify, simply has been the calling in our hearts for so many reasons and we’ve been answering like it’s our job.

bedroomView from bed. TV hung, art wall started and piles waiting to be addressed.

It’s all consuming not to be able to breathe properly. My labored breathing has become like saying Voldemort in our family and I’ve hit that point where THIS is no longer working. I’ve tried not talking about it nearly all year. I’ve exhausted it really. It’s not a secret, never has been I just didn’t want to give it any power. Kind of like hiding under the covers so the boogie man can’t see you. The truth is that method is not working and this sucks and it’s hard. And so I’m leaning into the discomfort of it all. I’m allowing myself to grieve and feel deeply.

I am in touch with the fact that this isn’t for nothing. That resonates so deeply. I know it’s for something and I feel that most when I’m with my coaching clients. I love them so much. I love my work so much. We learn from experience and from wisdom. Somehow I feel this experience is allowing in more wisdom.

We are all carrying something. For some it’s visible or audible like my breathing. For others it’s hidden under the surface. No matter what you’re carrying I want you to know it’s ok to give yourself permission to take a minute and feel. Deeply. Tell the people who are close to you. Ask for what you need. Even if all you can ask for in the moment is someone to listen or just give you a hug.

I’ve made a doctors appt to get looked at and see just how closed/ open the airway is. I’ll keep you posted in my updates here.

lacy and kayla and chloe

This RV adventure is part of our deep desire to live fully. The dream, the best case scenario is that I’ll be able to take full, deep breaths. That I’ll be able to run as fast and far as I want to. That I’ll be able to jump and hike and twirl and sing 80′s songs at the top of my lungs with Cliff as we drive down the road. That I’ll be able to talk in complete sentences and never once have to stop and gasp for air. That I’ll be able to give full on speeches anytime I feel like it.

Would you hold that vision for me and with me?

we picked up our new home!

We picked up the RV from Johnny on Friday the 27th of June. I was giddy. I couldn’t stop smiling or saying I LOVE OUR LIFE! THIS IS SO PRETTY! Kayla + Brian + Chloe were headed into town and our paths crossed literally on the freeway so we pulled over to show them our new home! I love this picture of us. It just says it all. At the end of the day I was exhausted from joy.

chloe big bus

Chloe kept calling it our Big Bus. Cliff’s big bus. Lacy’s big bus. Ned’s big bus.

progress! curtains!

We moved out of our rental house and into the RV from the 28 – 30th of June. We are now comfortably parked in a Resort RV Community (which makes me giggle). They’re stretching it on the resort part but it is shiny and new with wifi and a pool. And bonus it’s close to Cliff’s work! Houston is a really big city and we wanted to be sure that what we’re saving in monthly bills didn’t get absorbed by a long commute. I’m officially working from the RV. Sitting at the kitchen table right now!

curtains!Mom made curtains for every window and we love them! We still don’t have a couch but it’s on the short list. It will live under this window.

We put all our extra stuff into mom’s garage and we’ve been going through deciding what stays and what goes. It’s getting WAY easier to let go of things now that we are in the RV. There’s a certain freedom in seeing the piles go and the space open up. I can feel it opening up inside of me too.

We’re getting to know the RV which is really code for comedy of errors. We’re continuing renovations and decorating. We still need to get an electrician out to fix the lights. We have two plugs that are working in the kitchen and one light in the hallway. The rest seem to be taking a break from their purpose in life.

Honestly, it feels good to sit still for a minute. We were hoping that a road trip to Boston at the end of this month for my dear friends wedding would be our maiden voyage but ole Barb (that’s what we’ve been calling her. Barb. Short for Rhubarb.) just isn’t ready for the open road. Barb is a pretty clear communicator.

new kitchenThat’s Mema’s hand in the corner there. She was on shelf paper duty! Hours upon hours were spent on making sure each drawer and cabinet were properly lined. A small fortune was spent on cork shelf paper.

I LOVE the new kitchen. L O V E I T. I was adamant about having the sink mounted under the counter. Cliff drove all over town to get the supplies needed and Johnny made it happen. I see it every day and I love it every day.

seriously what is that noise

We’re all learning how to live in a small space. Ned is doing pretty good though the door and the steps that fold out every time the door opens sends him running to the bedroom and under the covers. He hasn’t gone outside yet and I can’t blame him. It’s a lot of concrete. I brought him to work from home with me over at my mom’s yesterday and we spent some time in the yard together. I could just see his spirit getting fed. Sweet boy. I keep whispering to him that there is going to be lots of nature to explore very soon.

ned is 14

Ned turned 14 on July 1st so naturally I made a crown from cork shelf paper. ; ) I can think of about 1400 reasons why I love him. You know how some animals show up in your life and choose you. That’s us. He chose me, I was present enough to get it and sappy enough to cave in and take him home. I’m so glad I did. He’s a big piece of this RV adventure. Cliff and I were really craving simplicity and travel but we didn’t want to leave Ned behind. It feels really important to keep our little family together.

moving inmoving day piles

dad installed knobs

Dad came over to see the RV and installed all the kitchen knobs, shower curtain rod and bedroom curtain rods. The man knows how to use a drill! I had some legit childhood flash backs as he was asking me to hand him this tool or that one.

toilet going in

I used to joke that the secret to a happy marriage was separate bathrooms. We’ve not shared a bathroom for our entire marriage and now we share about 300 sq feet of living space with one bathroom and a composting toilet. We’re both still really happy that we got the composting toilet but we also take full advantage of using flushing toilets like it’s a total treat (because it is super nice not to have to carry away your own #1 AND #2). There’s a plastic jug in front (the one with the black handle on it) that holds the pee. We empty it every three days or so. The poop (and paper) goes into a bigger holding bin and will get emptied every 3 – 4 weeks. We add coconut coir for the composting bit.

bathroom details kale on wheels

Bathroom is coming together! Ombre shower curtain from Target. Rope handles from West Elm. Starfish pulls from Anthropologie. At some point we’ll have a basin built under the sink.

bathroom details

what we lack in wall space we make up for in cabinets

What we lack in wall space we make up for in cabinet space. I’ve started hanging our favorite pictures in the cabinets. I set up our smoothie station first since we use it almost daily. Makes me happy every morning when I open this cabinet. The print is a free download on my site! You can get yours here.

tea station

Another daily ritual around here is tea. Morning tea. Evening tea. Rooibus for him. Mint for me. Of course all the stuff on the counters will be taken down and put into bins when we’re on the road but as soon as we’re parked it will get set up again. The pea + carrot print is one of my faves. The decoupage frame is one I made ages ago. 2008 I think. I had it hanging in my studio at the rent house. I looked at it one day as we were packing up and noticed it reads ‘Take to the Highway’ right there front and center under our smiling faces. FULL BODY CHILLS.

reclaimed wood wall

We’re doing a reclaimed wood wall behind the bed. My friend, Jamie House hand picked each piece for us. Mom helped us lay it all out and Cliff started on it yesterday.

Cliff working on the wallreclaimed wood wall in progress

He will finish it up on his next days off this coming weekend. I can hardly wait to see it all done. I already love it so much.

curtains hung

The new curtains arrived! They’re actually pin-tuck shower curtains from West Elm. We used conduit for the rod (hung from the ceiling) and tied the curtains on with leather cord so they won’t make noise as we drive down the road. Mom made blackout curtains that velcro to the window so we can sleep in. We have our priorities. ; ) This is what it looks like right now, mid day, no lights on. Pretty awesome!

That’s the update from RV land.
Lacy

You can see all our RV posts here.
Subscribe to the blog feed here.
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Earlier this week a women asked me why my weight loss story wasn’t more of a central part of the information on my website. It was the best question I’ve been asked in a long time. It’s true, I lost 50 pounds by changing my relationship with food and doing the work that I now teach.

I don’t focus on the 50 pounds for several reasons. The first, weight is relative across the board. I talk to women + men every week who want to change the number on the scale. When I was 198 pounds at my biggest I was still someone else’s goal weight. Some 148 pound women want desperately to be 115 pounds. See what I mean?

Second, this process has been about so much more than physical weight loss to me. It’s been about finding myself. Finding peace and releasing the need to struggle. Oh how I struggled. I would work out like mad for three months at a time doing Body For Life contests and then I’d stop working out and go right back to eating the way I was before. I just recently threw away all of my before and after photos (though in this moment I wish I would have saved some of them to show you). The girl in those before photos felt desperate, gross, pushed to the edge of sadness and hopelessness. I didn’t feel beautiful. I felt like I could be if I did X,Y,Z. I’m here to tell you beauty is not conditional. You are beautiful because you are. I can’t tell you how many times I’d take a before photo and then sit on the couch and eat ice cream because TOMORROW was day 1. It was madness.

As I was packing and going through things in prep to move into our RV I found old journals. One from my senior year in high school. I wanted to lose 15 pounds. D e s p e r a t e l y. When I read the journal page I clutched my chest, took a deep breath and said ‘OH SWEET GIRL – you didn’t have 15 pounds to lose.’ I was tall, thin and relatively flat chested. I was all limbs and hips and still something inside wasn’t happy and so I created a number and decided I’d chase it. I chased those 15 pounds for most of my 20′s. I was hyper focused on weight and it was depleting my spirit.

I tried:

  • Infomercial work out videos. OMG my little sister, Kayla, can probably still quote the entire Denise Austin tape, Do It With Denise! And don’t forget Tony Little, the guy with the pony tail and the tight bike shorts that yelled YOU CAN DOOOOOOO IT! And then of course Tai Bo. And. And. And.
  • Body For Life. Over and over and over again. Those were the days of a cheat day. I would eat as much as I wanted all day long and then the rest of the week was 4-6 meals a day, chicken breast and chalky tasting protein shakes.
  • Famine weeks and feast weekends. You know because I’d been good all week and I deserve a break, right?
  • I’d starve myself all day and then eat at night. That, my friends, is the worst idea ever. It’s the Sumo Wrestler diet.

Those are the most memorable of many methods of self torture. It felt never-ending like I’d always struggle and strive to be something that I wasn’t. I thought the weight was the problem but it was merely a side effect of the imbalance in my body and my life.

And finally, the biggest reason I don’t focus on weight is because once I shifted focus away from the weight and perceived imperfections and towards nourishment and getting on the same team as my body…. well, e v e r y t h i n g changed. I realized that I’d spent my entire life to that point zoomed in on the things that I wanted to change. We draw to us what we’re thinking about. It’s creation 101 and it blew my mind! I learned the power of what follows ‘I AM’ you create in your life. All this time I’d been saying I AM TOO FAT and all I kept getting was the feeling of being too fat. Once I started saying I AM thin, healthy and strong I began to create this space inside. I call it my Can Do (maybe all that yelling Tony Little did planted a Can Do seed). Instead of feeling like a failure all the time I started to feel empowered to make small changes in the direction of thin, healthy and strong.

Do you see the difference? Do you feel the lightness that comes from thin, healthy and strong as opposed to the heavy feeling of too fat?

My small changes were teensy tiny in the beginning. I switched from white rice to brown. I started eating green things. I committed to preparing one meal at home per day. I bought veggies. Notice I said I bought veggies not that I ate them. That was a step for me. I bought them and then they’d go bad in the crisper. After a while I decided that I didn’t like throwing money away like that so I actually started to eat them. Every little step has been so valuable.

Along the way too I stopped thinking about losing weight and started thinking of it as releasing weight. We lose things we want to find, like our keys. We release things we’re ready to let go of forever, like unwanted pounds. That goes back to the lightness again. Doesn’t it feel so much better to think of releasing the weight!

I no longer weight myself or obsess about what size jeans I can fit into. I no longer feel confused by ALL the conflicting health information out there. I no longer feel guilt before, during or after eating. I no longer crave the foods that used to bring me comfort (ice cream, candy and cakes). I no longer look in the mirror and pinch or grab the bits that are a disappointment. I no longer feel frustrated about my body.

Me + this skin suit I’m in are besties. We listen to each other. We are a team (and a pretty darn good team at that). How about you? Are you ready to learn how to listen to your body? If something from this resonated with you and you’d like to take that small step to change your relationship with food, let’s talk! You can schedule a free initial consult right over here. There’s something pretty amazing about the combination of accountability + support + practical tools for change.

With love,
Lacy